The amazingly amazing adventures of a hormonal and awkward teenager.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Yoga, Pilates...

So I think its pretty safe to say I am the least flexible person probably in the world.

Keeping my legs straight I can not get anywhere near the floor, and although this normally stays as a laughable little trait of mine that not everyone needs to know, it was revealed in sports on Monday.

We were meant to be doing a zumba class, which I very much enjoy as I can just flail my limbs around to some classic tunes.

But this week our teacher suggested some pilates/yoga. And what was meant to be a more relaxing and slow paced lesson had me filled with tension and humiliation.
It was a small class, and it seemed that EVERYONE else there just HAPPENED to have been dancing since the age of three. I was by far the worst, I was even worse than the girl who suffered from spine curvature. Yes readers, I was worse than someone disabled.

I lay there, desperately trying to extend my legs/arms and finding myself quivering all over.

There can be no way our teacher did not see my ridiculously shaking body.

In the end, the whole class would get an instruction, and then I would get my own personalised instruction like 'Maybe you can just go half-way' or 'you don't have to extend your leg that far' which was a relief as well as a crippling embarrassment.

Luckily I did learn some things:
1) Never attempt yoga poses in front of anyone
2) My muscles are only just about able to support my body weight, and will tremble violently if they are made to work at all
3) May not fulfil my goal to become an olympic gymnast...




Alas. It is never to be.

Friday, 10 January 2014

One Crazy Party...

The other night I was invited to the birthday party of one of my friends, but the trouble was I was finding it difficult to gauge the... 'intensity' of the party. Should I turn up pretty drunk and ready to party in a super cute outfit? Or in jeans to be 'cool' and chill out.
Well because I didn't really know, I decided to err on the side of caution and get as drunk as possible.
Unfortunately I quickly discovered that the only alcohol in the house was an opened bottle of red wine.

Don't worry. This did not stop me.

When I arrived I found it was mid-way between my guesses. It was chill enough that I didn't feel like I had to forever act as if 'oh yeah, totally. I'm so cool, I actually have another party after this...but whatever' and also other people there were as 'ready to party' as I was.
A great thing about this party was the food, Im not used to having snacks at a party, and let alone toffee popcorn and mini-brownies.
Ah man it was so freakin' sweet (literally). I may have slightly abused the privilege...

I think I absentmindedly ate approximately fifty thousand mini brownies

But the BEST thing about this party was that there was a trampoline in the back garden. Yes, there were people sitting on it, just chatting and chilling... but of course me and my friend made them vacate so that it could be used for its true purpose.

so cool.

In the end, I had eaten so much that I was totally sober but still felt sick, and also very energised by my crazy sugar levels. I practically spent the whole night on a sugar high (the coolest kind of high for those interested.) and had a surprisingly fun time, even if the over-eating and trampoline combination wasn't the best.

 That night lying in bed though, I did slightly regret it. 




 Happy New Year everyone


Thursday, 17 October 2013

Getting to school with my sister

Now that my sister has joined year 7, I travel to and from school with her...












Monday, 14 October 2013

My poor diet attempt

A few weeks ago I attempted to go on a 'no-carb' diet. This basically means you can never eat anything that you want to eat: Pasta, bread, potatoes - ABSOLUTELY NO SUGAR. This was a way to tackle something I like to call 'the pooch'

I was also hoping to lose some face-weight because I suffer from something that my family like to refer to as 'Slab face'

This meant that I was living off solely meat,eggs and vegetables for about 10 days (I did not last very long). I was also getting a large amount of my meals from a brand called 'eat water' which produces slim noodles and slim rice (slim noodles being like wet rubber bands and slim rice being slim noodles cut up very small). A large problem with this diet was snacking. I couldn't exactly come home and have a slab of meat, and didn't really just want to pop a raw vegetable in my mouth.

So I had been painfully following the diet for 10 days, when me and my friend went to a little art gallery (yeah, we're totally cultured). Afterwards we wondered into the art gallery cafe and she suggested we share a brownie. Now I wasn't gonna make my friend lose out on a brownie just because I was on a crazy diet, I mean, what kind of monster would do that? Its just unheard of cruelty. Literally my only option was to eat half of this brownie. I definitely did not have a choice in the matter. Definitely.


It was a good brownie.

But now that I had already broken my diet, which I hadn't done ALL WEEK (at all, literally not one smidgen of sugar) It was a lost cause for that day. And when I got home, I accidentally found myself literally stuffing sliced white bread into my mouth. I couldn't stop (I think I was possessed)

And that readers, is how my diet ended. Me, feeling quite sick and accepting that I will probably never have the figure of a model.

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

New House... New me? Unlikely.

So here's a little golden nugget I haven't shared with you yet: Over the summer we moved house.
Yes readers, I was ripped from my precious childhood home by my cruel, cruel parents and taken to the other side of London.
Previously we had been living in a very suburby area, although still technically in London it was not near any tube stations or useful buses. For the most part, the people you saw there were young families and elderly people (making me one of the few 'hip' young people). BUT NOW, jeesh. We are right in the centre and I see all kinds of people...




Making me the most regular of joe's in my new area.

Not like I hadn't seen people like this before, I wasn't living under a rock. I actually go to school in central london and because of our move am now much closer and can get the bus in.
I thought I would have an easier journey getting a bus in, but it is FULL of teenagers, it is not meant to be a school bus but school students make up about 95% of its passengers in the morning. This means that I have to look respectable ALL THE TIME. Otherwise I will literally be judged by every teenager in London.

I want to go for the, 'Oh this, I just threw this on this morning whilst headed out the house'




Rather than the 'Ah crap, I only did eyeliner on one eye and I don't think I'm wearing my own knickers'


I'll have to make myself get up earlier to get ready in the morning... Which should turn out to be an impossible feat. I'm not sure I even trust anyone who says they are a 'morning person', is it possible for there to be such a thing? They're probably an alien.



Thursday, 22 August 2013

Just gonna sneak back in here...

Long time no see eh? With exams etc. I haven't posted in a while...
The exam period is a very turbulent time for any teenager, especially a hormonal girl. Yes I MAY have had a weepy breakdown at some point.

My mum always tells us to have a bath when we’re stressed, the lady thinks baths have some kind of magical property that wash away all worries...
yes I am wet and soapy, but I still am not revising.
But don’t worry, in general I’m not  very stressy person, this is just one of the many stages I go through when there are important exams:

I totally aced that suckaaass.
OH MY GOD IT WAS SO BAD DID I EVEN WRITE I DONT THINK I EVEN WROTE. I AM GOING TO FAIL AND THEN MY LIFE WILL BE OVER AND I’LL JUST DIE IN A HOLE AND MY MUM WILL KILL HERSELF AND AND AND...
Hmph. I don’t even know how that went. And I don’t care. Fuck society.
Oh well. I hope everyones results were/are good!
This summer I went on holiday with a few of my friends to the little french island of Ile de Re - which you would think was an old people and young family holiday destination but was perfect to me because I believe myself to be pretty middle-aged at heart.
The drama started in the airport, where we were to fly with the lovely ryanair. Ryanair has pretty strict baggage allowance for hand luggage which I decided to take as loose guidelines - not a good idea people. not a good idea.
First of all I had two bags, my suitcase and my mini backpack. Whilst in the queue I had the sneaky idea of putting my backpack on underneath my hoodie
Perfectly concealed.

And then, when I arrived at the desk with my boarding pass the woman asked me to show her that my suitcase could fit into the size-guide boxy thing - which it did not. This is because it was so full of stuff that the front was bulging out quite far, and then whilst I was lying on top of it to try and force it into the slot she saw my backpack and told me that had to go into the bag too.
BUT - don’t you worry dear readers, for my crafty mind came up with a solution...

Yes, I put on about 50% of the contents of my suitcase. Then it fit into the size allowance box.
So, I arrived on the plane looking fashionable and glamourous as ever, and got a few laughs from other passengers.
The rest of the holiday wasn’t as weird though, just the regular...



Trying to speak a lot of crap french!
Nabbing free alcohol at town organised events!
Getting patchy sunburn!
Hope y’all had a great summer too! Now who’s excited for schooooolll???

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

March - Spring cleaning time?

I'm so glad its finally getting warmer, I usually don't care much about the cold, that is until I get into bed and it feels like I'm climbing into an ice cave. My house is pretty old and my bedroom has two outside walls meaning a find myself trying to get to sleep in sub-zero temperatures.

My room is also pretty much always messy.  And as I'm sure many other teenagers will be aware, despite the fact that your parents never spend ANY TIME in your room - you have to keep it tidy. In my case, I don't care if I have to wade through a foot of discarded clothes/shoes/bags/paper/wrappers/old cups of tea to get to my bed but apparently my mum does.
So I started to tidy up my desk after being nagged since the dawn of time by my mum to do so, and it soon became evident that it had been messy for longer than I realised. I found some really weird crap on that desk - for example I found a lesson timetable for the recorder teacher at my primary school, but neither me nor my siblings actually took recorder lessons, so I have no idea how the document ended up in my possession.
I think it was a sign I need to be tidier and more organised. But hey, I'm a busy lady - and when I'm a billionaire I'll have people to do that for me right? (do not know how I might become a billionaire but I'm working on it)